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12 December 2007 @ 12:32 pm
You know, there is an actual reason for the fact that all of the smart help-yourself books on assertiveness mention such a thing as 'personal space'.

If you move n-times closer to me and I move n+1-times away from you, you should consider to get the message.

Seriously. I am all in for physical contact and that, but if I have no desire for a mid-life-crisised creep accompanied by a sweaty glittering forehead and a shopping cart full of junk breathing in my neck, do not stand so close to me. Just do not. Certainly it is rude to ask politely within a joke so that you do not have to feel embarrassed in front of the other people around, I apologize ... it was necessary, though; otherwise, I would have to have hit you.

I hate when people do that. Why do people do that ? Why would anyone even want to stand close to someone who obviously does not want them close ? I do not believe she did not notice; she could not not notice; everyone in the perimeter of 10 m noticed my stress and panicky attempts to flee. I hate to be touched by strangers, even accidentally ... (and did I have some good training at avoiding that in my youth years; memories of the good ole' PC adventures of an 'East-block' capital city). And I just saw it happen, so I stress out and try to get away, and she would not pay attention ...

Brrr. Though genuinely nauseated, back in the safety of my room again. I think that was it for today in regards of daring to venture out. No, no, the world is a place too vile for me; all sorts of things happen out there.

Current Mood: distressedDistressed
Current Music: Saturnus ~ Noir
pesky11pesky11 on December 12th, 2007 01:18 pm (UTC)
Ugh. I totally agree with you.

I have the unfortunate luck to always be approached by people in stores and they think I work there. I'm like, wtf leave me alone! NO I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS!!!

It happens ALL THE TIME... :(

I've found that by wearing my headphones whist shopping, I can avoid some of them.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 12th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
What we say is 'from the unwanted bread the largest loaf'.

Headphones is one of my avoidance techniques if I don't want to be social ... somehow, I have ALWAYS people hunting me for small-talk; in the bus, waiting in the line, literally EVERYWHERE and I'm not always willing to. Somehow I've lost my professional carefully trained Don't-even-DARE face, apparently, because even if I actively try to look utterly uninviting, people still try to chat with me. Go away, get lost !

That leaves me with walking around with a book, headphones, behind the camera, pretending to be actively busy with something ... most of the time. I even go out of my way to tie my hair etc. to make people SEE I'm unavailable - but I still often run around with feelings of guilt because perhaps they don't notice and then think I ignore them.
pesky11pesky11 on December 12th, 2007 07:17 pm (UTC)
I'm getting to the point in my life that I don't generally care if people feel ignored. They're strangers.

Another strategy I use is to pretend I don't hear (as in I'm deaf) them or see them. That one has taken alot more practice.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 15th, 2007 08:43 am (UTC)
Ow, I refuse to go to such lengths as pretending deaf- or blindness. It doesn't bother me enough to tell them ... I'm more likely to tell straight-out I don't care to small-talk and please leave me alone, than to go pretending.
the_picture_of on December 12th, 2007 02:37 pm (UTC)
That never happens to me. I must look too scary.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 12th, 2007 05:29 pm (UTC)
You wouldn't have liked her; she had hair like freshly mowed lawn :p
dizzyweb on December 12th, 2007 04:23 pm (UTC)
Hardly ever have that. I must be scary too. Ah well, already knew that.

But, the thing is... I don't think many people recognize your condition. Most people aren't used to someone scared of physical contact. And some people are just absolute jerks. And yes, somehow they always turn up in the queue right behind you. There's no escape. Murphy was right.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 12th, 2007 05:17 pm (UTC)
I'm not scared of physical contact. I just don't want people I don't know crawl all over me. It's not like I'm asking something ridiculous; it's quite reasonable to give the people around you some space and to expect the same from your fellow human.

Ok ok, perhaps my personal space I don't like invaded without an invitation is a little larger than those of other people ... but still not unreasonable. Anyone would have had a problem with her, though.

So, very true. Jerks all over the world, unite. How are you :) ?
dizzyweb on December 12th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
I know, that's not exactly how I meant to say it, sorry for that.

All jerks united, that's a scary thought :/ But well, there's just people that do not know the concept of "personal space". Everything is just their personal space, the spot you're standing in too.

How am I.... hmm. Good question. I don't really know, actually.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 15th, 2007 08:45 am (UTC)
Heh ... Everything is just their personal space, the spot you're standing in too. That's how we usually describe the tourists that come to Prague in the summer and Christmas/NewYear time 8)
Enigmawill_ah_wisp on December 12th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
Monday night I was out at a bar and some creepy fat man was hitting on me and at one point reached out and touched my hair and my neck and I almost punched him. It was seriously the creepiest thing ever. I hate strangers touching me, unless I am feeling in control of the situation.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 12th, 2007 05:27 pm (UTC)
I read that entry ... gave me goosebumps; just reading about it. Don't get me wrong, in reality, I express myself a lot through physical contact and accept it happily. Now that you say it, it might be the control thing again. None the less, standing so close to someone they can actually smell your breath while there is enough space around you does require an invitation, otherwise it's just being impolite. Simple as that.

/Politically correct

Stupid bitch ;)
graziagrazia on December 12th, 2007 06:42 pm (UTC)
Oooh, I hate shopping alone (usually I drag Mike with me). I get so nervous and awkward. I don't like talking to strangers.

Jantienmeilliyon_ on December 14th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC)
I tend to get a little aggressive if people around me stand too close for my liking. The tiny hairs in my neck stand up straight and I get internet panic attacks. Hmmn I know the feeling all too well. That's why I don't like Queens Day... Too many people too close.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 15th, 2007 08:47 am (UTC)
Yeah ... the hair standing up thing, goosebumps and such.

On the Queens day (and Carnaval, Vierdaagse ... to name a few of the dutch insanities), I turn the key in the lock and don't show the tip of my nose outside :p until the craziness passes.
Sheri: ROLDOLPH AND CLARICE BY candylandiconsbooksaremyhabit on December 15th, 2007 01:51 am (UTC)
I feel your distress, I hate that too, I really do
I see no need for people to stand too close in lines at all, it's so rude.
Happily ever aftershi_illegitima on December 15th, 2007 08:48 am (UTC)
My point exactly. Why would you even WANT to stand close to someone who doesn't want you.